Oh, PLEASE don’t take my breakfast!
I packed it so carefully this morning in my recycled jar…
yogurt, with strawberries
just picked from my garden,
topped with crunchy, almond granola.
I’ve been thinking
about how good it’s gonna taste
the whole time I’ve been standing in this line…
taking off my shoes,
taking my change out of my pocket,
taking off my belt,
holding up my pants with one hand
and my ticket and ID clutched in the other.

Oh PLEASE don’t take my breakfast!
You can run it through your scanner
You’ll see I also packed a plastic spoon,
but it’s the cheap kind, made in China,
just bends if you try to break it,
it won’t hurt anyone
(except maybe the planet it you make a billion of ‘em)

Oh PLEASE just let me keep my breakfast!

Yes sir, I know this is more than 4 ounces,
but REALLY – four ounces!?
Who can live on four ounces
of yogurt and granola!
This is high quality, organic, European-style yogurt!
It’s clearly NOT the cheap exploding stuff
a terrorist would use.
Really, it’s safer than the bags of peanuts
they’ll throw at us
like we are a pack of squirrels.
People can choke on them!
Or have an allergic reaction.
Yogurt never hurt anyone
– that I know of…

Oh PLEASE don’t take my breakfast.
No sir, I’m not complaining.
No sir, I’m not protesting.
No sir, I’m not making trouble.
Yes sir, you can have my breakfast.

But PLEASE don’t make me go through that MACHINE!
I’ve already had way too many rays.
I read it’s bad for your health.
I don’t want that creepy guy
looking at me NAKED!
No I wouldn’t prefer to have that creepy lady
shove her hand into my crotch
In front of all these strangers?

Yes, sir I’ll go into the machine,
Yes sir, I’ll place my feet on the foot prints.
No sir, that didn’t hurt a bit,

BUT what’s that green light
flashing on the picture?
The security lady grabs my breast.
Just like that!
She didn’t even ask.
She wasn’t even nice
when she demanded to know
“What do you have there in your pocket?”
“Cancer, Ma’am!”
“Oh and thanks for the free mammogram!”

I feel so much safer now
protected from strangers
bearing tweezers and shampoo.
God only knows what they intend to do
if we let them into this movie theater.